Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize