i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
