Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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