I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
