Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
