you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We have started to decorate penises.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
