I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How's work?
Spinning.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
