just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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