I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
