she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
