i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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