I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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