dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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