and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
