Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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