You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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