piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
