your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
