Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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