'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
