I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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