david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
