remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
