If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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