I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
