I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize