Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
