Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you didnt know i had herpes?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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