He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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