You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
