I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
