well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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