let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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