I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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