Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize