i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
