Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize