OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We are two peas in an std pod
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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