Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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