He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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