you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
