You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
