Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
