I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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