You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
