I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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