he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
