if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
