her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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