Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
