Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
