i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
