you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
