it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
