Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
