all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
