3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
