I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
