I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize