yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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