Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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