i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
