So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
