I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
