She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
