textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
