Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
