I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
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