this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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