I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
