is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
