is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
