just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize