**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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