I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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