Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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