2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
