She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
