I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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