do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
