it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
