they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
