Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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