the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
