It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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