He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
