I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
