My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
