What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
