very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
