The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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