Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
