Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
