when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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