so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
