i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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