I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
