Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I will be naked everywhere
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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