My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
