you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
