I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
