haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize