Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
